It is time

One more month until I graduate... CRAZY. I'm nervous, feeling bittersweet, and yet excited; basically just a whole range of emotions. Nervous because I'm embarking on a new chapter of my life, the supposed 'real world' awaits, in which I am finally held accountable as an adult (well, we'll see how that goes with my parents, haha). Bittersweet, because I don't think I want to leave the life of an undergrad. But excited because I am leaving the undergrad life, no more long nights at the school library, stressing about exams (although I am planning on taking some sort of exam later on for higher education), stressing about papers, etc.

Looking back, I am surprised at how my life has turned out. As a freshman, I really could never have predicted the way things are now. The Helen now is about to embark on a job in the finance industry, has worked in a range of capacities, advocated for what she is passionate about, confident about herself, more outgoing, etc. This is stuff the Past Helen would not have imagined. Of course, there are things I can improve upon, as always, but I am ok with what I've done so far. It is time for me to set goals for myself. The goals that I had in the past (score well on exams, get in a good school, do internships, get a job) have been goals I set for myself but I think only because those are goals that people should achieve as general steps in life. Now I want to and can set goals that are truly my own. Got to start brainstorming.

random act

I was rushing back to work one afternoon. As I swiped into the station, I hear the train wooshing into the platform. I start running down the stairs as I see people coming up. I see a man run up towards the stairs, and then run back to the train. I thought he had got off on the wrong stop. But turns out he was just holding the door for me, because he held his hand in the threshold and then made his way back to the stairs. Goes to show, people can be pretty considerate.

the last real summer break

And now for my obligatory end-of-summer post. It's been a while since I've signed onto here; once the internship started, work and life captured all my usual idle time. I learned A LOT about myself this summer, more than I expected I would learn. Some would know why I learned more than I expected.The internship was, as expected, challenging and exciting at the same time. I met many smart people, and I found a small bunch of people that shared similar outlooks on life, people who knew that hard work paid off, and that nothing was ever going to come easily. I also became friends with people I never thought I would become friends with, and I will once again, allow the benefit of the doubt after initial impressions. The one thing however, is I felt like I was always under scrutiny, always under the careful hawk eye of people in the department. Because the internship was really like a "10-wk interview." By putting it that way, I was always on alert, unable to really keep my cool at work. There was always an underlying stress factor, that if I screw up this time, it would cost me my future. Yes, it's a bit extreme, I realize now, because I should have been more confidant in my own abilities, that I got here because they knew I could coolly perform under such conditions. I was so scared of making a mistake that I forgot that the purpose of the internship was to showcase my abilities and my confidence in those abilities.

That one thing aside, I learned that I enjoyed analyzing language, that when I pay attention to detail, I pay attention to the format and the words used. Maybe a hint to what I will do later on? I also got to talk with a couple of people and their experiences in finding their career. It truly is a process, and its ok to take some time to experiment. I've decided that I will keep my options open, and apply to as many different kinds of jobs to see what will come my way. Kind of casting a large net and seeing what I catch.

I'm excited to get this semester started. It's my last. D and I had an existential moment on Aug 1, when we first realized that this was the last summer of complete freedom. Ok, maybe next summer we'll all still get a few months of true freedom before jobs start, but I think that's just borrowed time. Should go with a BANG for the end of this summer.

Nervous, anxious, excited.

I was finally able to get my suit: Macy's Petite Suits section. I found another one that I liked at Ann Taylor, but it was out of my price range. Someone would make a killing if they opened a store, just a small store, and filled it with woman's suits of all different kinds. They do it for men, why not for women? We need suits as well!!

Anyways, the day before my internship begins. Yesterday, my parents and I drove to the city in which I'm working in, and walked around, admiring the scene. It was close to 8pm, and there were still people in the office. But the view of NYC is beautiful from this side of the Hudson. The sun was setting, and the buildings' reflection from the sun is soft and warm. There was also a little rainbow above Chinatown/SOHO. Will post pictures of it later.

Nervous, anxious, excited.

one last post before June

Junior year has ended! Can't say that I am completely happy with my grades, but it was a good game. The days after semester ended were just hectic: wrapping things up at OCS, and then trying out the new place that I will be living at this summer. And also hanging out with classmates before I headed back to Jersey. The last two weeks have been lazy. Eating and sleeping as much as possible, and re-familiarizing myself with suburbia. I realized I missed driving around in a car with the radio going. I also realized that I've forgotten what fresh air smelled like. I walked outside my parent's home a few weeks back, and was met with an unfamiliar smell... the fresh scent of recently mowed grass and the lightness of clean air. Something that NYC is very much lacking in.

Now June is approaching, I'm heading back to my city life. With my internship coming up, I'm excited and anxious. Can't wait to get started, yet a little bit nervous about it all. Went shopping for a suit today, and got frustrated because the petite sizes were gone, or the suit jacket was weird looking, or the pants were too long. Day 2 of suit shopping tomorrow.

midnight blurb

Time really does fly by so fast. Its already May 2010, and this time next year, 2011, my peers and I will be cast out into the real world, whatever that is. I get that feeling in my stomach and chest whenever I think about it, that feeling of excitement mixed with fear and anticipation. I would really like to see how things turn out a year from now, whether or not it will be what I imagine it to be. Whether or not the world will be a better place than it is now. Whether or not the problems that are plaguing us now will be somewhat solved later (I think of the healthcare reform... such a dork).

Anyways, while wondering about the future, I look back to the past as well. My mother has recently discovered the magic of scanning, and has scanned almost all of the photos in my house and uploaded them onto Facebook. My baby pictures, my sister's baby pictures, and now she's up to my brother's baby pictures. Looking through them has been a great journey back in time, and it brightens my day to see new photos posted. (Although my mom got to the photos from my mid-elementary school days...... slightly embarrassing. good thing I've convinced my mother to set those albums to the strictest privacy settings hahaha)

Looking at these photos, I realized that so much time has passed already. I remember when I was just turning 10 years old, I was like "WOW I'm so old now!" and started counting down to my teenage years. Now that a little over a decade and those teenage years has passed, I am just amazed at how fast it was. And feel a little nostalgic for those simpler times, for the times when I didn't have to worry too much about schoolwork, money, and other things. Those were truly the innocent times. I wonder if its just my generation, the generation that experienced the 9/11 attacks and the wars on terror. Things have changed, but I wonder if it has changed in a larger scale for us. My mother has posted so many photos of us with the World Trade Towers in the background..

As much as I want to fast forward these next few days, I also want to take it slowly, hang on to every moment in hopes of making time go slower. yeah yeah, theres finals and all, and I'll be losing a crazy ton of sleep, but it would be nice to once in while to slow down just so that the future doesn't come so fast.

now, back to studying

uncooked rice

After having it for the 3rd time this week, I believe Chipotle is telling me to wean myself off of their burrito bowls. The one I had today was poor: rice was not cooked through, and I believe I had a piece of chicken that was still partially frozen.

Still hanging in there. Less than one month left of this madness, and then that May afternoon will be here! There was a hint of summer in the middle of this week, alas, I was not prepared. All my summer clothes were at home. Mother Nature gave us a taste of summer, but then quickly returned to spring. Then again, having the sun out is much better than gray skies, rain, and snow.