Graduation!

Graduation is tonight. In 18 hours or so, I will be sitting in an auditorium, in my purple academic gown and black cap, waiting for the Dean to confer me my empty diploma case. Degrees aren't given until January (or March, so I've heard) and so, this graduation ceremony, is well, primarily ceremonial. But, I still have butterflies in my stomach. and i can't concentrate on my work, which I still have to do even though graduation is today. That means, there is a likely chance that I do not get my degree in January, in the event I fail one of my classes. Which I'm pretty sure will not happen. but, hahaha, we'll see.

I know I will not feel any different after the ceremony tomorrow, since I will most likely return to the library to work on a paper due Thursday. I'll still be nervous, like I am right now. I'm trying to down play it in my mind, just so I don't psyche out. But the ceremony is the first indicator that my college years are officially coming to a close. Its so bittersweet. I will miss these years, these fun years. SIIIIIIIIIGH.

Pandora

I've started using Pandora to stream music online. I created only one playlist: a Studying playlist with music ranging from John Mayer to T.I. Today I discovered a playlist that I did not create titled "Symphonic" Radio. All classical music.

A few cello songs came up in the cue. Just listened to one of the Bach suites. I realized its been a year since I picked up a cello. I really do miss playing it. I miss my old cello, the one that broke sophomore year. The way I feel about the cello is kind of like the way it sounds, a swelling bittersweet sound. If that makes any sense. haha.

Midst of studying for my last midterm of my undergrad career. Then 2 essays and 3 exams until I am completely free from undergrad. Craaaaaaaaazy. My head is spinning, time is going way too fast. Thanksgiving is over, and Christmas and New Years is right around the corner. I never really liked this time of the year, even though I do regard the Holidays as a very romantic time of the year. But I could never enjoy it fully because of school. I am going to make a point to set some time to the side, outside of my exams, to check out the holiday scene. Because I do have someone special I can experience it with. It would make this holiday season more special and meaningful than the past years.

Ok, back to studying. got to kick ass!

Don't want to grow up!

Saw the midnight showing of Harry Potter, and it was so good. Got there an hour and a half early because people were saying that there was a huge line outside the theater. Turns out, these people were just anxious about getting a good seat, which I guess was somewhat reasonable because there were a bunch of people there early and you had to wait in line even within the theater.

The movie was great. Scary, dark, but happy and cute moments were scattered within. I was sad that the characters couldn't trust one another, but also happy that they were still friends, that Dobby had so many lines, and that the comedy and dark stuff were well balanced. Although it was a little slow, I'm glad that the last book is split into two movies, gives us who grew up with the series more time with the characters. I can't wait until July 2011 to see the second part... however my friend made a good point: once July comes around, there will be no more Harry Potter movies to look forward too. Perhaps the only thing to look forward to would be seeing the post-HP careers of all the actors we grew up with.

The NYT had a good article on the movie, calling it a "steppingstone and a reasonably satisfying experience." I think the movie captures the reality of growing up in rapidly changing times, and adapting to new responsibilities and new environments. I think its probably the best movie any one in my generation can watch and be able to relate to personal experiences. Of course, we're not wizards, but the themes of coming-of-age, friendship, and courage are some that we need to keep in mind.

It is time

One more month until I graduate... CRAZY. I'm nervous, feeling bittersweet, and yet excited; basically just a whole range of emotions. Nervous because I'm embarking on a new chapter of my life, the supposed 'real world' awaits, in which I am finally held accountable as an adult (well, we'll see how that goes with my parents, haha). Bittersweet, because I don't think I want to leave the life of an undergrad. But excited because I am leaving the undergrad life, no more long nights at the school library, stressing about exams (although I am planning on taking some sort of exam later on for higher education), stressing about papers, etc.

Looking back, I am surprised at how my life has turned out. As a freshman, I really could never have predicted the way things are now. The Helen now is about to embark on a job in the finance industry, has worked in a range of capacities, advocated for what she is passionate about, confident about herself, more outgoing, etc. This is stuff the Past Helen would not have imagined. Of course, there are things I can improve upon, as always, but I am ok with what I've done so far. It is time for me to set goals for myself. The goals that I had in the past (score well on exams, get in a good school, do internships, get a job) have been goals I set for myself but I think only because those are goals that people should achieve as general steps in life. Now I want to and can set goals that are truly my own. Got to start brainstorming.

random act

I was rushing back to work one afternoon. As I swiped into the station, I hear the train wooshing into the platform. I start running down the stairs as I see people coming up. I see a man run up towards the stairs, and then run back to the train. I thought he had got off on the wrong stop. But turns out he was just holding the door for me, because he held his hand in the threshold and then made his way back to the stairs. Goes to show, people can be pretty considerate.

the last real summer break

And now for my obligatory end-of-summer post. It's been a while since I've signed onto here; once the internship started, work and life captured all my usual idle time. I learned A LOT about myself this summer, more than I expected I would learn. Some would know why I learned more than I expected.The internship was, as expected, challenging and exciting at the same time. I met many smart people, and I found a small bunch of people that shared similar outlooks on life, people who knew that hard work paid off, and that nothing was ever going to come easily. I also became friends with people I never thought I would become friends with, and I will once again, allow the benefit of the doubt after initial impressions. The one thing however, is I felt like I was always under scrutiny, always under the careful hawk eye of people in the department. Because the internship was really like a "10-wk interview." By putting it that way, I was always on alert, unable to really keep my cool at work. There was always an underlying stress factor, that if I screw up this time, it would cost me my future. Yes, it's a bit extreme, I realize now, because I should have been more confidant in my own abilities, that I got here because they knew I could coolly perform under such conditions. I was so scared of making a mistake that I forgot that the purpose of the internship was to showcase my abilities and my confidence in those abilities.

That one thing aside, I learned that I enjoyed analyzing language, that when I pay attention to detail, I pay attention to the format and the words used. Maybe a hint to what I will do later on? I also got to talk with a couple of people and their experiences in finding their career. It truly is a process, and its ok to take some time to experiment. I've decided that I will keep my options open, and apply to as many different kinds of jobs to see what will come my way. Kind of casting a large net and seeing what I catch.

I'm excited to get this semester started. It's my last. D and I had an existential moment on Aug 1, when we first realized that this was the last summer of complete freedom. Ok, maybe next summer we'll all still get a few months of true freedom before jobs start, but I think that's just borrowed time. Should go with a BANG for the end of this summer.

Nervous, anxious, excited.

I was finally able to get my suit: Macy's Petite Suits section. I found another one that I liked at Ann Taylor, but it was out of my price range. Someone would make a killing if they opened a store, just a small store, and filled it with woman's suits of all different kinds. They do it for men, why not for women? We need suits as well!!

Anyways, the day before my internship begins. Yesterday, my parents and I drove to the city in which I'm working in, and walked around, admiring the scene. It was close to 8pm, and there were still people in the office. But the view of NYC is beautiful from this side of the Hudson. The sun was setting, and the buildings' reflection from the sun is soft and warm. There was also a little rainbow above Chinatown/SOHO. Will post pictures of it later.

Nervous, anxious, excited.

one last post before June

Junior year has ended! Can't say that I am completely happy with my grades, but it was a good game. The days after semester ended were just hectic: wrapping things up at OCS, and then trying out the new place that I will be living at this summer. And also hanging out with classmates before I headed back to Jersey. The last two weeks have been lazy. Eating and sleeping as much as possible, and re-familiarizing myself with suburbia. I realized I missed driving around in a car with the radio going. I also realized that I've forgotten what fresh air smelled like. I walked outside my parent's home a few weeks back, and was met with an unfamiliar smell... the fresh scent of recently mowed grass and the lightness of clean air. Something that NYC is very much lacking in.

Now June is approaching, I'm heading back to my city life. With my internship coming up, I'm excited and anxious. Can't wait to get started, yet a little bit nervous about it all. Went shopping for a suit today, and got frustrated because the petite sizes were gone, or the suit jacket was weird looking, or the pants were too long. Day 2 of suit shopping tomorrow.

midnight blurb

Time really does fly by so fast. Its already May 2010, and this time next year, 2011, my peers and I will be cast out into the real world, whatever that is. I get that feeling in my stomach and chest whenever I think about it, that feeling of excitement mixed with fear and anticipation. I would really like to see how things turn out a year from now, whether or not it will be what I imagine it to be. Whether or not the world will be a better place than it is now. Whether or not the problems that are plaguing us now will be somewhat solved later (I think of the healthcare reform... such a dork).

Anyways, while wondering about the future, I look back to the past as well. My mother has recently discovered the magic of scanning, and has scanned almost all of the photos in my house and uploaded them onto Facebook. My baby pictures, my sister's baby pictures, and now she's up to my brother's baby pictures. Looking through them has been a great journey back in time, and it brightens my day to see new photos posted. (Although my mom got to the photos from my mid-elementary school days...... slightly embarrassing. good thing I've convinced my mother to set those albums to the strictest privacy settings hahaha)

Looking at these photos, I realized that so much time has passed already. I remember when I was just turning 10 years old, I was like "WOW I'm so old now!" and started counting down to my teenage years. Now that a little over a decade and those teenage years has passed, I am just amazed at how fast it was. And feel a little nostalgic for those simpler times, for the times when I didn't have to worry too much about schoolwork, money, and other things. Those were truly the innocent times. I wonder if its just my generation, the generation that experienced the 9/11 attacks and the wars on terror. Things have changed, but I wonder if it has changed in a larger scale for us. My mother has posted so many photos of us with the World Trade Towers in the background..

As much as I want to fast forward these next few days, I also want to take it slowly, hang on to every moment in hopes of making time go slower. yeah yeah, theres finals and all, and I'll be losing a crazy ton of sleep, but it would be nice to once in while to slow down just so that the future doesn't come so fast.

now, back to studying

uncooked rice

After having it for the 3rd time this week, I believe Chipotle is telling me to wean myself off of their burrito bowls. The one I had today was poor: rice was not cooked through, and I believe I had a piece of chicken that was still partially frozen.

Still hanging in there. Less than one month left of this madness, and then that May afternoon will be here! There was a hint of summer in the middle of this week, alas, I was not prepared. All my summer clothes were at home. Mother Nature gave us a taste of summer, but then quickly returned to spring. Then again, having the sun out is much better than gray skies, rain, and snow.

late night musings

I click into my Google Calendar, look into the month of April, and just sigh. Because every week there is some exam or assignment due, sometimes both. Just as the weather is getting better (well, now it's all rainy), we university students are hit hard with work. But maybe this will make April fly by, although probably sleepily and hazily, since it will consist of many a late night. I look at my calendar and also see some fun things, such as birthdays, random celebrations, and school events. Chances to relax if only for a few hours. Overall, I'm looking forward to that warm afternoon in the second week of May. That warm afternoon of freedom and hopefully accomplishment.

sprngbrk

i want to go to Europe (again) and enjoy the sights without any worries. actually I want to travel just about anywhere and enjoy the sights without any worries, and take lots of awesome pictures.

its spring break, and I'm just staying in the area to be well-fed and well-rested. But seeing the Sternies going off on their junior trip, makes me want to go somewhere too!

Midnight Showing

Went to see the midnight premiere of Disney's new Alice in Wonderland, in 3D. My dorm had a sick deal where we gather in the TV for tea and cupcakes and then head to a nearby theater, all for ZERO dollars.

The movie was not that bad! If you're amused by the graphics and the 3D effects (which I dont think are any different from the regular films), its a good film to see. In terms of storyline, you've got to be patient with the developments. It is different from the old Alice in Wonderland, in that this one is more of a coming of age story mixed in with believing the impossible. Johnny Depp was great, except sometimes I couldn't understand what he was saying. He kept using different accents to speak! And Alan Rickman as the caterpillar was brilliant. The Cheshire Cat was also really cool.

There is one question the Mad Hatter asks over and over again: "Why is a raven like a writing desk?" And because I couldn't quite understand what he said half the time, I googled the answer.

In fact, there is really NO answer. Lewis Carroll never intended that there be one, and I'm still searching for what was said in the movie. I got that the Mad Hatter said that he "haven't the slightest idea." but he may said "because they are not both made of cheese." There are other answers too: "because Poe wrote on both;" "because there is a B in both and an N in neither;" or "because both have inky quills."

Alice in Wonderland is rated PG for "fantasy action/violence involving scary images and situations, and for a smoking caterpillar."

midterms

- Intermediate Microeconomics: Wednesday Mar 3
- Stats: Tues Mar 9
- Power & Politics in America: Thursday Mar 11
- SPRING BREAK: Mar 12 - Mar 21
- American Constitution: Mar 24

YAY for March! April doesn't look too promising either.

We had another snow day last week. So much snow fell for two days straight! And it looks like there's more predicted to come.

I've signed my summer away, and now my hope is that it will all go smoothly.

summer 2010

I KNOW WHAT I'M DOING THIS SUMMER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

details will be revealed once I receive more details

efficiency, please

My laptop prevents me from being efficient. Maybe it's time to invest in a new one.

On another note, we had a snow day last Wednesday, thanks to Blizzard 2010. At first NYU was going to stay open, saying that public transportation has never failed, be it rain, sleet, or snow. Kind of like the US post office. However, that snow was crazy! It was snow mixed with ice, so when the wind blew, your face would get stung by the ice crystals. Not fun. Since they didn't cancel classes until after 12:30pm, I still had to go to my 11:00am intermediate microeconomics class. I guess I didnt have to go, but NYU tuition makes you go to class. Then after the class, I hear that an email was sent around, canceling classes. However, I couldn't enjoy the snow day. I had a midterm the next day... thus studied for that the rest of the day. Was grateful for the extra time, managed to take a little nap and it was much appreciated.

I can't believe we're approaching the last week of February. I have always liked the month of February, but it goes by so fast.

Taking a weekend trip to Boston, alas not to a fancy European city. Sigh, miss those days.

overheard at work

"You know, Elmo is scary in the middle of the night."
"I don't like Elmo."
"Why?"
"He's too extroverted... I need someone more low key."

This is the semester in which I...

crumble under the amount of work. I can see it now: halfway through the semester, I will be behind in all my readings, basically behind in all my work, locked up in the library, reading with barely any sleep. Each course will have intensive coursework for sure, unlike past semesters, when I had at least one class I could be more lax in terms of keeping up with work. -cry-

I finished my Aplia assignment for Statistics, and I realized that I had forgotten a lot of basic math stuff. I need to relearn all of this in order to survive both Stats and Intermediate Microeconomics. I'm going to have to relearn calculus, especially. -weep-

For my American Constitution class, it's going to be so much reading and re-reading, and I expect a lot of new vocabulary, like "writ of mandamus" and "dicta." -shudder-

Maybe my Power & Politics in America will a bit more easygoing. It's a typical politics intro class, and most of the terms I've seen before in the other politics intro classes. I may just have to refresh upon the American history, which should be okay since its been drilled into our brains since we could write our names.

But this is what junior year of college is really about, right? Difficult assignments, late nights.. i mean this is what I signed up for. I guess I'm just trying to 安慰自己, console myself. Gotta stay positive, keep this start-of-semester spirit of "I can do it!"

Watched the last episode of The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien.. it's sad that that show is over. His farewell speech was quite inspiring.

"All I ask is one thing and I'm asking this particular of young people that watch. Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism. For the record, it's my least favorite quality. It doesn't lead anywhere."

"Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard, and you're kind, amazing things will happen. I'm telling you, amazing things will happen."

WORD. now to more reading

FDOC: first day of class

Today I took advantage of one of St. Marks Place's many services and FINALLY got my ears pierced. Yes, my piercing virginity has been taken. My friend needed to get her piercing fixed, and convinced me to just go and get it done. I just never got around to piercing them: when I was younger I was scared of needles, and then when I was older I just never actively gone out to Claire's to pierce them.

We went to a piercing/tattoo parlor on St Marks. It was your typical store: hookahs, various grungy earrings for sale in the front, and tattoo/piercing parlor in the back. It came out to 48.99, which I think was a bit pricey. I would have liked them to include a free bottle of saline solution for the aftercare, but the guy seemed pretty professional and the tools seemed sterile. I don't want to sing high praises yet, only because I've just gotten them done. It hurt for only a bit during the actually poking part, but overall it went pretty quickly. I have to keep these not-so-flattering hoops in for about two months, and then I can finally wear the earrings that I admire in the stores.

My second to last semester started today, and it will be challenging. I had my Power & Politics course first, but I am excited for it. I've heard good things about the professor and I've never actually taken an entire course on American politics. Should be a good time. Then I had my 3 day Stats course, which will be helpful in the future, however, the professor talks monotonously.

Even though NYU has a huge population, I've been seeing all these people from the Prague program on the streets, in my classes. It's crazy, because I never used to see them before going to Prague.

the perils of the city

I was walking home from work today. It was around 6pm, so it was already dark. Walking, walking, faster than usual because it was so cold, I just wanted to get indoors. I come to the crosswalk at West 13th (maybe at this point its East 13th) and 4th Ave, and I see the bright white dude, telling me its okay to cross. So i cross.

Then I see the bright lights of a large taxi. I sort of lean back, step back, and I feel the cold metal through my glove. I still can't believe how close of an encounter that was. It happened so fast. The taxi driver must have stopped to make sure he didn't fuck up, but I just kept walking, getting onto the sidewalk. I wasn't shaky at all afterwards. Usually when something like this happens to someone, don't they feel like their whole perspective on life changes? Maybe that's being a little too dramatic. But I know for sure, I'm going to even more wary at crosswalks, even when it is supposedly okay to cross. Stupid taxis.

I've been meeting up with friends whom I haven't seen a really long time, and it feels so good to chat and reminisce, hear what they have accomplished during the time apart, discuss the future. There are still people I want to see, which makes me look forward to the beginning of school. And I guess after this close shave, makes me look forward to anything in the future.